In the wellness world, the term self-care gets bantered about a lot. Reading most of these self-care strategies, you’d think that your world could be righted by taking a nice, long bubble bath with scented candles surrounding the tub.
If only it were that easy. Today we’re living in a 24/7, chaotic, loud world with demands on our time coming from all directions. During my Balanced, Beautiful and Abundant Retreat this Oct. 3-6 at Naia Resort in Belize I’ll be showing retreat goers my proven strategies for self-care and creating the life they want.
For me, the number one self-care strategy is short and sweet.
No.
No. I can’t bake cookies for the class tomorrow.
No. I’m not able to attend your event.
No. I can’t take on that project.
No is a boundary you need to lay down to protect your sanity and your physical health. No is such a simple word, but as women, it’s hard for us to utter.
Why “No” is Difficult
As females, we’re conditioned from a young age to be helpful, care about other people’s feelings and that being liked by all is imperative.
In our minds, saying “no” to someone can jeopardize all three things. No is a potential threat to the connection we crave.
Men aren’t conditioned to want these things as much as women, and consequently see no for what it is—turning down a certain circumstance, NOT turning down an entire person for the rest of time. And on the flip side, a man doesn’t take hearing “no” as personal as a woman.
Why No is Important
You might wonder why “no” is so important. Being able to say it means you don’t do things you don’t want to do, date people you don’t want to date, or perform tasks you don’t want to take on. By learning the art of saying no you protect your valuable time and mental energy.
When you can’t say “no” to anything, you invariably say “yes” to everything. Women who can’t say no are usually fuming inside because they’re doing things they don’t want to do with people they don’t want to be with. This leads to resentment and anger. Two things that don’t align with living your best self.
How to Say No
If you’re ready to show yourself some love by practicing the art of saying “no, here are some tips to get you started.
- Reflect on what you value. Invest time in the projects that matter to you. Only say yes to events and projects that align with your personal why.
- Spend time with those that uplift you. We all have that person in our life who sucks our energy or makes us feel worse after spending an evening in their company. Hint: This is the perfect person to start practicing the art of no with.
- Deny the request, not the person. Remember saying no to one birthday party isn’t saying no to every birthday party. Make it clear that you really appreciate the invitation and you look forward to doing something in the future (if you do), but you can’t make it this time.
- Stick to your guns. Not everyone in your life will like hearing no, especially if they’ve only heard yes for years. Expect that when you start to say no to your kids or to work colleagues, they’re going to push back at first. Don’t back down. They will adjust to this new normal.
Want to learn more self-care strategies? Join expert Rebecca Whitman for her Balanced, Beautiful and Abundant Retreat this Oct. 3-6 at the gorgeous Naia Resort in Belize.
